Saturday, November 21, 2009

The return of the Fucket List

I have gotten a BUNCH of emails asking where the fucket list has gone. It hasn't gone anywhere, I have just been in a funk. Money, the S.O., paying for my daughters college books and tuition myself, her boyfriend, my car, my job, and the realization of my own mortality has made me... funky.

BUT rest assured friends in all corners of the planet (which is a bizarre phrase in of itself because our planet is ROUND hence no corners... ) the fucket list is alive and well.

With that preface, I will now give a fucket list...

Fuck the general public. You are mindless drones with no sense, common or otherwise. I watch the Jay Leno show every night. I *heart* Jay effin Leno. ANYWAY, he has various segments where he goes on the street and asks basic questions to see what people answer. For example "What language to they speak in Canada?" My answer was English and French. Correct. Someone said Canadian. Someone else said Canadianese. Seriously. CANADIANESE? You have got to be kidding me. How about the broad that called 911 because McDonald's ran out
of chicken mcnuggets? Or the dumb ass that cut in line at a Wal-mart and assaulted the police officer who was called to calm down the situation after a fight broke out between her and whoever she cut in front of. She is NOW suing the police department because she claims she was targeted by the police based on her race. Holy STOP WITH THE RACE CARD Batman! When does it end? The boys that set another boy ON FIRE over a bike? The mom that posed as a teenager on myspace and tormented another teenager online SO BAD that poor girl committed suicide? Fuck the general public.

Fuck the dumb females. When did it become trendy to be an airhead? The playmates on the Girls Next Door, the Kardashian sisters, the actresses on The Hills and/or Gossip Girls (the two shows are pretty much interchangeable) up to and including the girl that I work with who looks like she just rolled out of bed every single day... are all airheads. Don't even mention Kerrie Prejean and her amazing ability to not only put her foot in her mouth, but take it up her ass too. I don't watch TGND, the Kardashians, Gossip Girl OR the Hills, but from simply watching the commercials, I am convinced they are airheads. As far as Rumpled-hairskin from my job, how she manages to get into the building every day a) in one piece and b) on time is beyond me. Be strong. Be confident. Don't be an airhead. Fuck airheads.

Fuck highway drivers. You cut me off just to put your brakes on. Are you in so much of a hurry one car length is going to get your there that much faster? Why do I want to slam into the back of your car anyway and say fuck the ticket? Oh that would teach ya wouldn't it? Cut me off next time so you can hurry up to get to the same red light and watch me. I have full coverage insurance. I have accident forgiveness. Some days I think the punishment is absolutely worth the crime. You wanna take a chance the next time you cut me off?? You feel lucky? Fucker?

Fuck Charter One Bank. I went to you because you were close. Your counter people were pleasant enough, knowledgeable and efficient. But then you moved. Now the closest Charter One is half an hour away. Ok fine, we stayed. Its kind of out of the way, but I can swing by after work and bank by ATM. Now you send me policy changes and what do I see now? Fees? Check fees? ATM fees? NSF fees? HOLD THE FUCK UP! How much are you charging? 39.00 NSF for .10 ? The account was overdrawn for 4 hours ??? And all you can say is " we do not remove NSF fees unless it is a bank error"? Get the fuck outta here. Chase bank is close by. So is National City. Better yet, my company has a credit union. Fuck Charter One.

Honorable mention for this week:

Drama Queens. Every week you are crying about something. No one, anywhere, has that much shit wrong in their life every single day. Get a backbone. Stop being dramatic. Sack up and stop being a pussy. Fuck Drama Queens.

Early Christmas decorators. It is not even thanksgiving yet, put your god damn Christmas lights away. Fuck you.

Facebook spammers. Stop hogging up my wall. Fuck facebook spammers. And by the way, if I don't speak to you in real life, the only reason I am your facebook friend is for Mafia Wars, or some other game I need "neighbors". I still think your a douche, hence the reason I don't talk to you. Again, I say Fuck you.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

love this guy keep speaking the truth....fuck you charter one bank suck my dick....what do overdraft fees cover besides your cranberry nut sack.fuck you mother fucking greedy cock sucking mother fuckers.