Saturday, November 8, 2008

Again with the "not quite" Fucket list

In the words of my favorite comedian (and my next baby daddy) Katt Williams I say fuck it. When you adopt the "fuck it" attitude, you tend to not let shit get to you. You know, go with the flow. Let it roll.


But sometimes that fuck it attitude can be your downfall.

For instance:

The Republican party said fuck it when they added Palin to the ticket. What in the world were they thinking? Ill tell ya what "Hey guys, Hillary was doing pretty good so lets get a female so all the uneducated women who would have voted for Hillary will now vote for McCain" Well guess what, women are no longer stuck in the kitchen you buncha ungrateful ass raping donkey fuckers. From what CNN is reporting today she doesn't know what countries are part of NAFTA. Does she know what NAFTA stands for? And by stand for I don't mean what it accomplishes.. I mean LITERALLY what it stands for???? I may not know what exactly was decided at the Geneva Convention, who the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom is, the colors of the Kenyan flag or why my panties get all wet when I hear a man speak with a New Zealand accent, but I DO know what NAFTA stands for. And this broad has already said she is considering running for president in 2012? The fuck it didn't work out so well now did it? Fuck Sarah Palin.

MTV. What the fuck happened since, oh I don't know, 1990? Sure some of the shows were kinda cool. Spring break and that comical game show revolving around music and artists... I think it was called Remote Control? OK I can handle that. I was getting a little older, had a baby and a husband, a household to maintain. I couldn't watch videos all night like I did in high school. But went and did it. Road rules. What is with that garbage? MTV you are solely responsible for TV programmings equivalent of jumping the shark and you don't even play videos any more. If I want to see videos, I have to find MTV2 and my cable company keeps moving the channel anyway because MTV 2 sucks what my dog pukes on the kitchen floor. What the fuck is that shit? VH1 is no better. All they show are countdowns, Flava Flav and Who Wants to Sleep with the Next 80's has-been? Fuck both VH1 and MTV.

Cable TV. Cable was on my honorable mention list last week, but they have officially been upgraded. I have DVR. DVR is very handy. My S.O. plans out his entire week of viewing via the DVR box, things he likes to watch, things he might like to watch, and yes even shit he has no idea what it is about but god forbid he misses it. Fine. I get it. I can't even watch regular TV anymore, because I automatically try to fast forward every time a commercial comes on. So, lately it seems that when a show is recorded from 9 - 9 30, the network shows it from 8 59 to 9 31 and I miss the last minute. So what you say. Its just a minute. I say fuck you. I am missing the last joke of the show on My Name is Earl, the last tidbit of information on Good Eats and the "where are they now" segment of Snapped. If it wasn't for the simple fact that I have come to loathe live TV I would cancel DVR right now. And of course I forget to adjust my record time, so I STILL miss the final little bit on every freaking show I like. Seriously FUCK cable TV.

Metallica and all their little "downloaders are stealing" buddies. Downloading your music and burning my own fucking discs is no different now than back in the day when I would wait with the cassette on pause till the song came on the radio,take it off pause and record it, then make copies for all my friends. I did it in 1986 when I didn't get the CD I wanted for Christmas but got a nifty little cassette recorder and have been doing it ever since. But since it bothers you so much, I wont download your music. Better yet, why don't I just not buy your music at all? Or your shirts, your DVD's, your concert tickets and your action figures? There are plenty of bands who 1) play wayyyy better music 2) want me to download their music and 3) aren't douches. Why? Because I will then tell my friends how awesome they sound and hey, lets go check out their concert. LOOKIE here, Tshirts... gotta have em... ooohhh CD's of their older shit.. SWEET... and OH MY GAWD action figures....HAHAHAH Fuck Metallica.

Honorable mention for this week:

Fall leaves. Pretty yes, but there are freaking everywhere. Stuck to my shoes, on my deck, in the driveway, covering my recently acquired vehicle (that's another blog). My rake is broke and no I haven't gotten another one. I would rather bitch about the fact that leaves are everywhere I look and now its fucking raining. Great. Fuck autumn leaves.

The price of American cheese. American fucking cheese is 7.49 a pound at my local deli. Are you kidding me? Fine. Whatever. I love American cheese. I guess Ill shell out almost 8 bucks for a pound. What choice do I have? I want it. Bitch slice that shit THIN THIN THIN so I can make it stretch. Yea yea I know, but I can't afford Virginia ham now. Give me the 2.49 ham like product. Hell Swiss cheese (which is a very tasty second) is only 5.99. Fuck American cheese.

Wii. You have an exercise game? Really? Like Dance Dance Revolution is not enough of a gut buster? I already feel like a blubber butt trying to keep up on your easy level and now you are pushing aerobics down my fatter than the average American throat? Fuck the Wii (but please Santa, bring me one anyway, the graphics are superior and I really want to play Zelda).


Anonymous said...
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Fantastic Forrest said...

Awesome. Especially the bit about Palin.

Surely it's time for another Fucket list? C'mon, your public is waiting. :-)