Ya know, I like to bitch. In all reality, who doesn't?
A. Lot. Especially anonymously. Online.
And when I read some of my favorite-ist blogs *waves to LOTD and Princess Pi* I realize that Im not the only one. At some point, even some of the political blogs I enjoy throw in a personal jibjab at someone and/or something that has been long ignored, some injustice that has not been rectified. Religion and its zealots, parents and their evil spawn, teenagers, fast food, tv ads and even our bosses are fair game. I have read blogs about the stupidity of the general population, the latest and most awesome trends, video games, books, card collecting, coupon cutting, crafting, cooking, cake decorating and yes, even knitting. KNITTING for christmas-sake. I have never knitted a effin' thing in my entire life, but I still read it. Everyday even, and only for the simple fact that the author is well-written, knowledgeable and absolutely hilarious.
Seeing that this blog says "All Things Bitchin'" I figured I better start.
Bitchin' that is.
Hummers. Hummers piss me off. And not the "on your knees" hummer either. Im talking about the big, boxy, 2 parking space takin, I cant see over the windshield, gas guzzlin kind. Really GI Joe? Do you need what is essentially a military assault vehicle to do your grocery shopping? Add a turret and a camo paint job and you got SIR YES SIR all the way. Dude, you live in the CITY. There is no jungle to traverse thru to make it to yonder destination 2 clicks north. I promise while it may not make up for the fact your penis is 3 inches long and about as thick as a chopstick, a Focus will be fine, just fine. Fuck hummers.
Disney. Disney used to be the shizzy yo. Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Lion King. Excellent. I am 37 years old, and I still put on my Aladdin DVD while I clean the house just so I can sing along. I bought not one but TWO copies of the Lion King soundtrack as well as Beauty and the Beast along with all its sequels in a box set. For myself. But what has since happened? Everything is High School Musical or Hannah Montana. Eww. Do you mean to tell me that with all the money that flows through that company, as well as the clearly superior talent that works there, they cannot come up with anything better than Hannah Monfuckintana? I hope that the era for well-made cartoon movies has not passed. I hate to think the "golden age" of cartoon movies has made way for the clearly less superior The Simpson's Movie and the albeit funny as shit South Park movie, but c'mon South Park is no Disney. Fuck Disney.
Saturday cartoons. What the fuck happened with that shit? Saturday morning used to be about Looney Tunes and Scooby Doo, SpiderMan and X Men. I even liked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for christ sakes. Now we got the New Batman? WTF?? No Bugs, no Daffy, no Sylvester and no Yosemite Sam. What is this world coming to? I watched the networks replace Bugs with Yu Gi Oh. YU GI OH. Get the fuck outta here. What is this shit? I tolerated Saved by the Bell because even tho he was jail bait, Mario Lopez was delicious to look at and it was funny. Like Three's Company funny. I remember grabbing a box of cereal, the gallon of milk, my bowl and spoon, eat like 1/2 a box and totally veg from 8 am til noon when the news came on. That was awesome. Now we get nothing. The powers that be have slowly gotten rid of Saturday cartoons all together. Check it out sometime. Our kids are getting jipped and its a shame. A damn shame. No more Wile E Coyote. Fuck Saturday cartoons.
Honorable mention for today's Fucket List:
Taxes. Fuck em.
Used cars. Fuck em.
NSF fees. Fuck em.
Spongebob Squarepants. Fuck him in his neck.
Movie channels. Fuck em.
Smokers who cant afford their habit. Fuck em. All day long.