I'm totally veggin' out in front of the TV tonight, eating Nutella straight from the jar and watching reruns of Family Guy. Rocking evening if I say so myself.
When it happened. The most horrible thing I could have ever imagined on regular TV.
I was eye-raped by KFC.
Some yahoo ad agency thought that by insulting my intelligence, they could sell more chicken. Listen buddy, even a fat girl who loves her some chicken, wont buy into your logic if you insult her. By her, of course I mean an anonymous slightly overweight girl I have never seen before. Of course.
Have you seen the commercial with the claim that we cannot make a fried chicken meal for 10 bucks?
Dude, I'm a single parent. Not only can I make a fried chicken dinner, with REAL mashed potatoes and 4 biscuits, mine will be hot. And fresh. I bet you another said 10 dollars I can also get dessert in that budget as well. Asshole.
Let me explain how. They are advertising 7 pieces of chicken, potatoes and biscuits. We are going to need :
chicken (4 drumsticks .79 lb and 3 thighs .99 lb and lets assume its a pound each)
Flour ( 1.79 5lb bag, and assume we need 1/4 pound and flour is .39 lb divided by 4 so about .09)
11 herbs and spices (while I obviously do not know exactly which ones, I think it is safe to assume that to season 1/4 pound of flour we are talking about grams worth of spice, and even with 11 grams it is still less than a quarter)
oil to cook said chicken (deep fried, 2 cups and 2.59 for 48 oz is .05 per oz, 2 cups is 16 oz so oil is .80)
potatoes (large side at KFC is about 2 potatoes worth, but for argument sake, 1 lb and a 10 lb bag is on sale right now at Fligners for 2.99 so 1 lb is .29)
a couple tablespoons milk and butter (lets say .25 for milk and .30 butter)
salt (.02 really.. a whole container is like .24)
biscuits (ill use bisquick for this example, 1 cup and the whole box is 2.99 so a cup would be about .40)
milk for biscuits (takes 1/4 cup, so lets say .42)
add this up and what do we got?
Four mother fuckin dollars and 60 cents... that's right.
Include energy cost and time, we are still under 10 bucks. And I can get dessert too, the local store has salad for .99 for 12 ounces, and a Sarah Lee layer cake for 2.99.
I do want to point out I did not include gravy with this scenario. There is 2 reasons for this. A) KFC gravy is not real gravy, but a mix (which is about .33 at Aldi's so there) and B) good mashed dont need no gravy. What.
Is there any love in KFC? Nope. Is there any quality in KFC? Nope. Does KFC make your chicken fresh and to order? Nope it sits under a heat lamp and the potatoes sit in a steam table. Do you have to deal with some kid who has a chip on their shoulder, pissed off they have to work because mommy wont pay for their cell phone anymore who probably picks his nose before doling out your food in a paper bag? Nope. My food is booger free and comes on a plate (sure its a paper plate but my teenager hates doing the dishes).
Vickies chicken is hot from the oil. Biscuits straight from the oven, all steamy and fluffy and I bet I got some left over butter for them too. You get a salad with my chicken dinner, my mashed potatoes are real and you get cake. CAKE. And if I'm feeling generous, I bet I could eek out some kool-aid too. What is the cost of kool-aid yo? Like .04 a glass? I get 2 quarts worth which means you get seconds. You dont get no drinks at KFC. Nothing.
Poop on KFC. I spit on you. And really, the local quickie-mart has better chicken. They do 12 pieces with 18 jo-jo's and a 2 liter for 11.99. Eff KFC.