Saturday, June 21, 2008

Let's just pretend...

I can change the world. Let's just pretend I am _______ (insert deity of your choice) and I can manipulate time and space.

You say, "Wow Vickie, that would be awesome! What would your world be like?"

I grin shyly, my eyes glaze over and I say "In my world, chocolate is a food group, stupid people have to wear a sign telling you exactly how stupid they are so there is no misunderstanding, ATM's are free to use regardless if it is your bank and a fat girl is the wife of choice because she can cook and your ass will never go hungry. In my world babies are always happy, all men are chivalrous and when it rains, Diet Pepsi pours forth from the heavens as a blessing from _______(again, deity of your choice) so we all can cut calories just a little bit."

Ya know, that is a bitchin world. So what would I get rid of?

  1. People who wait until the last second to merge lanes when a lane is ending. You saw the same effin signs I did and now you expect me to let you over? Eff you buddy and your little Toyota.
  2. People who don't hold the door. Now I do NOT mean hold it open for me to walk in, I mean you are a few steps in front of me, you open the door and let it close behind you KNOWING I am about 1/2 step behind you. HOLD IT OPEN you idiot. Holy Bad Manners Batman, its not that hard.
  3. People who toss their cigarette butts out of the window, or dump their ashtrays in the parking lot, at a stop sign or at a red light. Littering is littering, I don't care if you are tossing one lil ole butt or a dumpster full of prison waste. Use a trashcan you lazy bastard.
  4. What is with those little earpiece phones everyone is using? Are you that important you need to have your phone to your ear at all times? Are you too lazy to carry a cell phone that literally weighs 3.6 ounces. Gone. Not in my world. No siree.
  5. Unpleasant cashiers. Whether it be fast food, grocery store, ice cream parlor or farmers market. I am giving you my money bitches. I am the one standing in your long ass line behind lil Jimmy who is screaming his head off while his momma is talking on her little earpiece phone to her baby daddy and screaming about the ho she caught him eyeballing. I don't want to be here neither. So say hello to me.

So out of curiosity, what would you want changed?


fallingpersephone said...

i would get rid of brain freeze. if i want to eat my ice cream fast, damn it, i want to eat my ice cream fast without consequences!!!

oh yeah. and time. then i'd never have to rush or be late or miss things i want to do.

Vickie said...

*Poof* and be gone.. In Vickie's world it is to be no more!!