The return of the Fucket List

I have gotten a BUNCH of emails asking where the fucket list has gone. It hasn't gone anywhere, I have just been in a funk. Money, the S.O., paying for my daughters college books and tuition myself, her boyfriend, my car, my job, and the realization of my own mortality has made me... funky.

BUT rest assured friends in all corners of the planet (which is a bizarre phrase in of itself because our planet is ROUND hence no corners... ) the fucket list is alive and well.

With that preface, I will now give a fucket list...

Fuck the general public. You are mindless drones with no sense, common or otherwise. I watch the Jay Leno show every night. I *heart* Jay effin Leno. ANYWAY, he has various segments where he goes on the street and asks basic questions to see what people answer. For example "What language to they speak in Canada?" My answer was English and French. Correct. Someone said Canadian. Someone else said Canadianese. Seriously. CANADIANESE? You have got to be kidding me. How about the broad that called 911 because McDonald's ran out

of chicken mcnuggets? Or the dumb ass that cut in line at a Wal-mart and assaulted the police officer who was called to calm down the situation after a fight broke out between her and whoever she cut in front of. She is NOW suing the police department because she claims she was targeted by the police based on her race. Holy STOP WITH THE RACE CARD Batman! When does it end? The boys that set another boy ON FIRE over a bike? The mom that posed as a teenager on myspace and tormented another teenager online SO BAD that poor girl committed suicide? Fuck the general public.

Fuck the dumb females. When did it become trendy to be an airhead? The playmates on the Girls Next Door, the Kardashian sisters, the actresses on The Hills and/or Gossip Girls (the two shows are pretty much interchangeable) up to and including the girl that I work with who looks like she just rolled out of bed every single day... are all airheads. Don't even mention Kerrie Prejean and her amazing ability to not only put her foot in her mouth, but take it up her ass too. I don't watch TGND, the Kardashians, Gossip Girl OR the Hills, but from simply watching the commercials, I am convinced they are airheads. As far as Rumpled-hairskin from my job, how she manages to get into the building every day a) in one piece and b) on time is beyond me. Be strong. Be confident. Don't be an airhead. Fuck airheads.

Fuck highway drivers. You cut me off just to put your brakes on. Are you in so much of a hurry one car length is going to get your there that much faster? Why do I want to slam into the back of your car anyway and say fuck the ticket? Oh that would teach ya wouldn't it? Cut me off next time so you can hurry up to get to the same red light and watch me. I have full coverage insurance. I have accident forgiveness. Some days I think the punishment is absolutely worth the crime. You wanna take a chance the next time you cut me off?? You feel lucky? Fucker?

Fuck Charter One Bank. I went to you because you were close. Your counter people were pleasant enough, knowledgeable and efficient. But then you moved. Now the closest Charter One is half an hour away. Ok fine, we stayed. Its kind of out of the way, but I can swing by after work and bank by ATM. Now you send me policy changes and what do I see now? Fees? Check fees? ATM fees? NSF fees? HOLD THE FUCK UP! How much are you charging? 39.00 NSF for .10 ? The account was overdrawn for 4 hours ??? And all you can say is " we do not remove NSF fees unless it is a bank error"? Get the fuck outta here. Chase bank is close by. So is National City. Better yet, my company has a credit union. Fuck Charter One.

Honorable mention for this week:

Drama Queens. Every week you are crying about something. No one, anywhere, has that much shit wrong in their life every single day. Get a backbone. Stop being dramatic. Sack up and stop being a pussy. Fuck Drama Queens.

Early Christmas decorators. It is not even thanksgiving yet, put your god damn Christmas lights away. Fuck you.

Facebook spammers. Stop hogging up my wall. Fuck facebook spammers. And by the way, if I don't speak to you in real life, the only reason I am your facebook friend is for Mafia Wars, or some other game I need "neighbors". I still think your a douche, hence the reason I don't talk to you. Again, I say Fuck you.

Where oh where has my government gone?

Or better yet.. what the fuck has happened to my fellow countrymen?

I don't like the whole "government is out to get me", "the feds are wiretapping my phone", "the government is trying to take away my freedom" thing.. but if that is your view.. I understand and you my friend are more than entitled to that opinion. I respect your opinion, I respect your personal right to have that opinion and that is all I got to say about that.

What I am NOT understanding is why do Americans go from one extreme to the other? I read a story online about a woman, who allows her 16 year old daughter to have a 24 year old boyfriend. Said boyfriend also LIVES WITH mom and the 16 year old. Mom KNOWS the two are having "adult relations". OK.. follow me so far? Now, daughter and boyfriend BOTH decide to tape a love making session. No copies were made, it was not posted on Youtube, it was not made public at all and daughter admits wholeheartedly she was aware she was being taped and CONSENTED to said taping. Still follow? Mom is ok with 16 year old dating 24 year old and they all live under the same roof. Mom knows they are fucking. SO, mom comes across this video. Now she is charging the boyfriend with rape. RAPE! Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?

What is wrong with this picture?

Lets touch on prayer in school. Everyday when I was in the 5th grade, my teacher Mr Jackson had us say the pledge of allegiance and asked that we bow our head. He would mumble something to whatever deity he believed in asking him/her/it to open our minds to whatever we were learning about that day. He also said if you do NOT want to pray, just stand silently while those that want to.. do. How fucking easy is that? I didn't pray. I usually looked at the book study guide for the test we were going to get. Or flip glance through my notes. Or look at the totally dreamy hair of whatever boy I was lusting after that week. My parents didn't care. I don't even think I ever told them. I guess I didn't see the big flippin' deal. Why do all these parents get bothered over that? Isn't there more important things to champion? Why not press for better background checks for school workers? Why not make sure the teachers are getting the supplies they need? Or getting the updated training to keep up with the pace of today? Or about getting the students the tools they need to succeed? The parents sure don't mind when the churches donate art supplies, or volunteer at that football games now do they? If the student does not want to participate in the prayer, they don't have to. But shouldn't they respect the rights of those that do? When I go to a banquet and they call for a prayer or a blessing.. I do NOT participate. I sit silently while those that want to... do. When I go to funeral, and they call for a prayer, I don't pray. But I do not stop those that want to from doing so. I don't go to church, but who am I to tell you that you cannot?

Why do people only vote democrat? Or republican? Why do I need a label? The person we elect to run our country should be voted into office because of what he can do. NOT because of the party he is affiliated with. EVERYTHING is the ENTIRE GOVERNMENT should be BIPARTISAN. There are things that are important and things that are not. There are things that are COMMON SENSE and it should be not under debate.

For instance.. child protection. Raping a child is wrong. Abusing a child is wrong. There should be no debate about this subject at all. There should be no "gray areas". You blacken the eye of a child, you deserve jail. You rape a child, you deserve jail. If you do not take care of your child, you should not have one. Give that child to someone who will take care of it. Done deal. Whats to debate?

Abortion is the woman's choice. Not religions. Not the governments. Not the politicians. Not societies. That is a woman's choice. Plain and simple. She lives the with consequences. Not you. Pray to your god about the soul of the baby that never was if you feel that is necessary. I sure wont stop you. Does abortion count as abuse as I have heard it argued? Not to me. That is your choice and God damn if that isn't the basis of our entire country.

Why the soap box today you ask? I was innocently watching TV this morning, when my S.O. brought up a story he received about a school changing the words of "Jesus loves the little children" to "Obama loves the little children" and is teaching them to sing that version.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Where is the parental outrage? Why are there no protests outside... parents waving signs saying " KEEP YOUR OPINION OUT OF OUR SCHOOLS" or "SCHOOL IS NOT THE PLACE FOR GOVERNMENT PROPAGANDA". I just don't get it.

Why aren't the churches up in robes about that? Are the confessionals full of teachers and administrators begging forgiveness for slandering a beloved Sunday school song and bending it to the fit the school's definition of separating church and schools? There is no place in the school for religion but its ok if we replace Jesus with Obama.

Why not Satan loves the little children? Or Manson? I'm sure that crazy sum bitch LOVES children.

Why not For Obama so loved the world he gave his only.. no wait. That wont work.

Will Depeche Mode change the words to "Personal Obama"?

Will they sing about Little Lord Obama laying down his sweet head?

Government needs to be run like a business. When a business is failing, what does it do? Cuts back on spending, stops the bonuses, combine departments, downsize. Why doesn't the government downsize? How many interns do they need? How many assistants are necessary? Do they really need personalized stationary? Do the lights need to be on all the time? Does every person in the building need a copy of the bill? Cant they do it electronically?

Why not stop importing stuff and open the factories back up? Bring the jobs BACK to America and tell China and Japan, while we appreciate your cars, toys and domestic goods, we need to get Americans back on the job. If Americans have jobs, Americans will spend money. Then the other businesses will start turning a profit because we will be consuming more goods. They can afford their houses again, they can stop with the foreclosures and it will snowball from there.

See? This is why I should be president.

Im totally in love

With food.

So much so that I am a dedicated follower of the Fabulous Food Show held a the IX Center in Cleveland every November.

I said a FOOD SHOW. Not a Star Trek convention, Craft Fair, Festival go-er...no no nothing cool like that. I am a fat girl traipsing around a convention center with TONS of other fat people to sample food, watch food being prepared, watch demonstrations on gadgets to make food preparation better, drink wine and spirits to enhance my food experience . There was even a light emitting teeth whitening booth offering 10 min sessions to remove the stains that said food and wine may cause.

Holy Free Sample Batman I am in heaven. Is this NOT a wet dream of every fat person out there? If you google "fabulous food show" you can see what I am talking about. You can taste foods from local and not so local restaurants, big factory foods were represented like Land O' Lakes and Orlando bread. There were lots of artisan food companies specializing in everything from chocolates and cookies, to bar b que sauces and dips. We sampled pasta sauces, jellies made from wine (burgundy and zinfandel), cheeses, cookies and sausages.

The first year we went, we saw Alton Brown who is by far my favorite Food Network personality. He has a couple of shows, Good Eats and Feastin' on Asphalt I/II (and most recently Feastin' on Waves) as well as the host of Iron Chef. If you have not seen his show Good Eats, I promise you will not be disappointed. His knowledge of food is unmatched by even his holiness Emeril, his humor is on point and my S.O. is convinced he was a pothead in his early years.

The next year, we saw Paula Deen. Honestly, she is exactly the same live as she is on her show Paula's Home Cooking and Paula's Party. I am not even kidding when I say we think she was hittin' the wine bar before her show. Her husband Michael is also a big part of her shows now and he was there, doing the cooking. Paula was totally working the crowd and I don't think she did so much as cut up the ciabatta bread that her appetizer was going on. Her pumpkin pie is the only recipe I use, it is fab u lous.

The third year we saw Alton again. I told you he is my favorite. I sprang for the little bit more expensive seating (up to this point I only had bleacher seats) and got a floor seat. Not so good and Ill tell you why. I am not the tallest person in the world and when everyone stands, I cant see anything but the back of the people in front of me. Even when sitting, I have a hard time seeing the stage. As a matter of fact, I liked the bleacher seats better even though I was farther away, if only for the simple fact that I could see beyond the heads in front of me. Anywho, Alton was demonstrating chocolate taffy (his version of a tootsie roll) and was throwing samples out to the crowd. Of course, the really really good seats are the ones that got them. When he called for questions, no one came to the bleacher seats, when the roving camera was .. well roving.. no one came to the bleacher seats. I made a vow right then and there I would spring for the best seats if I was ever going to see Alton again.

This year we saw Guy Fieri. If you have never heard of him, he was a winner on the Food Network's answer to the reality show craze "The Next Food Network Star" as well as the "food dude" on the TGIF commercials. The winner of the show of course getting a contract with Food Network for your own cooking show. How freakin' awesome would that be? Now he is totally hit the big time, owning 5 restaurants on the west coast, spokesperson for TGI Fridays, and has 3 cooking shows (Guy's Big Bite, Diners, Drive Ins and Dives and Guy Off the Hook).

I also had FRONT ROW seats...right in front of the stage front row. Not off to the side, or tucked in a corner. FRONT EFFIN ROW. Totally worth it and yes, next year I will also have right in front of the stage and in the front row.

So instead of bitchin' this week, I thought I would share just a few of the pictures I took.

This is for a local restaurant, that happens to be owned and operated by a former Cleveland Brown football player. Bubba was getting interviewed by a local television station as we were getting our samples. I didn't want to seem star struck so I didn't ask for a picture with the interviewer, but he is cutie on our local Fox 8 morning show. Oh and the sauce was pretty good, but a little on the vinegary side for me. S.O. liked the hot style the best.

This company is another locally owned business that sells a sweet blackened sauce, that is excellent on both chicken and beef. I bought 3 bottles as well as the dry rub version. Last year we only bought 2 and sure was missing it when we ran out. It is better than A1 or Heinz 57 (which is my fav but not anymore) on steak.

I am a total popcorn nutjob. I like it any way I can get it, whether it be cheese, caramel or butter and salt. When I was kid, I remember getting a fruity-flavored candied popcorn and low and behold, here it is. You know I bought some, but it didn't make it home. I ate the whole bag in the car!

This my secret to my most awesome food stuffs. This is Sorcerer Seasonings, a local company, who smokes their spices. Hickory smoked no less, so no matter what you cook, there is a touch of smokey bacon-y goodness. I bought it the first time we went to the show, and have used this booth in particular as an "excuse" to go back because I need to.. you know, stock up. Last year I tried the smoked paprika, which is my why paprikas is the best. Seriously, even Paula Deen ain't got nothin' on me when it comes to paprikas! (my picture didn't come out well, hence the ad pic, sorry)


This booth was all about sausage. Pork, chicken, beef... I cant even begin to describe what kind of smells were wafting from this little tiny booth. The lighter lookin' sausage is chicken, with spinach, roasted tomatoes and feta and oh my god it was delicious, so much so I bought some of that as well. And I don't even like feta cheese. At all. Not even a little bit. That along with an asiago and onion cheese spread (we bought at that booth too) thats going to go on a big ole honkin loaf of French bread and under the broiler. Totally yum. We will be having it for dinner on Sunday. Prolly add a mescaline salad with hard boiled eggs. Yummy!

There were so many booths of cookies, biscotti, and cookie dough!

Can you see how close I am to the stage? Oh my god it was AWESOME.. and he is just as cute in person...

These two are true Guy fans. Who would of thought TV cooks would be so popular people dress like them?

So that was my day. I seriously am already planning next year.

Seriously.

Again with the "not quite" Fucket list

In the words of my favorite comedian (and my next baby daddy) Katt Williams I say fuck it. When you adopt the "fuck it" attitude, you tend to not let shit get to you. You know, go with the flow. Let it roll.

Theoretically.

But sometimes that fuck it attitude can be your downfall.

For instance:

The Republican party said fuck it when they added Palin to the ticket. What in the world were they thinking? Ill tell ya what "Hey guys, Hillary was doing pretty good so lets get a female so all the uneducated women who would have voted for Hillary will now vote for McCain" Well guess what, women are no longer stuck in the kitchen you buncha ungrateful ass raping donkey fuckers. From what CNN is reporting today she doesn't know what countries are part of NAFTA. Does she know what NAFTA stands for? And by stand for I don't mean what it accomplishes.. I mean LITERALLY what it stands for???? I may not know what exactly was decided at the Geneva Convention, who the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom is, the colors of the Kenyan flag or why my panties get all wet when I hear a man speak with a New Zealand accent, but I DO know what NAFTA stands for. And this broad has already said she is considering running for president in 2012? The fuck it didn't work out so well now did it? Fuck Sarah Palin.

MTV. What the fuck happened since, oh I don't know, 1990? Sure some of the shows were kinda cool. Spring break and that comical game show revolving around music and artists... I think it was called Remote Control? OK I can handle that. I was getting a little older, had a baby and a husband, a household to maintain. I couldn't watch videos all night like I did in high school. But then....you went and did it. Road rules. What is with that garbage? MTV you are solely responsible for TV programmings equivalent of jumping the shark and you don't even play videos any more. If I want to see videos, I have to find MTV2 and my cable company keeps moving the channel anyway because MTV 2 sucks what my dog pukes on the kitchen floor. What the fuck is that shit? VH1 is no better. All they show are countdowns, Flava Flav and Who Wants to Sleep with the Next 80's has-been? Fuck both VH1 and MTV.

Cable TV. Cable was on my honorable mention list last week, but they have officially been upgraded. I have DVR. DVR is very handy. My S.O. plans out his entire week of viewing via the DVR box, things he likes to watch, things he might like to watch, and yes even shit he has no idea what it is about but god forbid he misses it. Fine. I get it. I can't even watch regular TV anymore, because I automatically try to fast forward every time a commercial comes on. So, lately it seems that when a show is recorded from 9 - 9 30, the network shows it from 8 59 to 9 31 and I miss the last minute. So what you say. Its just a minute. I say fuck you. I am missing the last joke of the show on My Name is Earl, the last tidbit of information on Good Eats and the "where are they now" segment of Snapped. If it wasn't for the simple fact that I have come to loathe live TV I would cancel DVR right now. And of course I forget to adjust my record time, so I STILL miss the final little bit on every freaking show I like. Seriously FUCK cable TV.

Metallica and all their little "downloaders are stealing" buddies. Downloading your music and burning my own fucking discs is no different now than back in the day when I would wait with the cassette on pause till the song came on the radio,take it off pause and record it, then make copies for all my friends. I did it in 1986 when I didn't get the CD I wanted for Christmas but got a nifty little cassette recorder and have been doing it ever since. But since it bothers you so much, I wont download your music. Better yet, why don't I just not buy your music at all? Or your shirts, your DVD's, your concert tickets and your action figures? There are plenty of bands who 1) play wayyyy better music 2) want me to download their music and 3) aren't douches. Why? Because I will then tell my friends how awesome they sound and hey, lets go check out their concert. LOOKIE here, Tshirts... gotta have em... ooohhh CD's of their older shit.. SWEET... and OH MY GAWD action figures....HAHAHAH Fuck Metallica.

Honorable mention for this week:

Fall leaves. Pretty yes, but there are freaking everywhere. Stuck to my shoes, on my deck, in the driveway, covering my recently acquired vehicle (that's another blog). My rake is broke and no I haven't gotten another one. I would rather bitch about the fact that leaves are everywhere I look and now its fucking raining. Great. Fuck autumn leaves.

The price of American cheese. American fucking cheese is 7.49 a pound at my local deli. Are you kidding me? Fine. Whatever. I love American cheese. I guess Ill shell out almost 8 bucks for a pound. What choice do I have? I want it. Bitch slice that shit THIN THIN THIN so I can make it stretch. Yea yea I know, but I can't afford Virginia ham now. Give me the 2.49 ham like product. Hell Swiss cheese (which is a very tasty second) is only 5.99. Fuck American cheese.

Wii. You have an exercise game? Really? Like Dance Dance Revolution is not enough of a gut buster? I already feel like a blubber butt trying to keep up on your easy level and now you are pushing aerobics down my fatter than the average American throat? Fuck the Wii (but please Santa, bring me one anyway, the graphics are superior and I really want to play Zelda).

My "not quite Friday" Fucket List

I'm sorry.

I got busy. I've been jumpin' through hoops trying to get a car loan. Yeah. It sucked. I've been trying to keep my temper under wraps, because it seems lately I have no tolerance for dumbasses. And with my new and improved Dumbass Attractor 2000 XL set on overdrive, I cant seem to get away from them. Dumbasses are surrounding me like the proverbial zombie, mindlessly wandering around, drooling, seeking sustenance.

The zombies have found me. And now they are stalking me.

I had to leave. Seriously.

My daughter and I got in the car and road tripped to my aunts house in Columbus. My uncle has an "uber grill" which he charred up some pork, we played video games and visited with my cousin and her 9 month old little girl. I saw the baby, and aside from the overwhelming urge to chomp on her mega fatty chipmunk cheeks, my ovaries starting hurting.

I know. I know. It was a fleeting ache, but an ache nonetheless.

ANYWAY... Friday was Halloween. I was totally disappointed with it.

Here's why.

Trick or treat. When I was a kid, it was magical. We took off out the door, hit every house on the block (except the witches house of course and don't act like my neighborhood was the only one with a witches house) and when we came home, our parents sorted through the candy, threw out the suspicious ones and then ate until we got a tummy ache. Now, these little bastards walk up to my door, hold out their pillow case and look at me with pure evil until I put something in their bag. No trick or treat. No thank you. Just a"give me some candy bitch and maybe I wont vandalize your car" kind of glare. Some of those ungrateful little spawns of Lucifer even had the nerve to say "I don't want that kind". Suck my ball sack you creeps. You get what I have or you get nothing. Next year, you get raisins. Or better yet, a couple of pennies. Yeah. Fuck you little jerk offs. YOU GET PENNIES. HAHAHAHAHAH. Fuck trick or treaters.

Halloween costumes. I always made my daughters costume, my favorite being Dorothy. She had the blue checkered dress, her hair in pigtails and a little basket with a stuffed dog. I got cheapo tennis shoes and covered them in red glitter, and if I say so myself, she was prettier than the original. What did I get this year? A girl who works at Wendys, dressed up like a chick who works at Wendys, which makes her... how old? Whatever. Buy your own candy, you gotta job ho. I had a group of 3 boys who looked like linebackers who didn't even bother to dress up, a mother and son who just had masks on (which in of itself is fine, except the mom had a bag too, not just walking with the boy, but a BAG... again.. how old are you? Oh I digress...) Every single costume was store bought or nothing at all. Some kids even were talking on the cell phones while trick or treating, so being the

smart ass I am I asked "And what are you supposed to be?" and

without missing a beat the little bastard (I would say was about 8) says "A teenager. Is that an Iphone you got?" Fuck Halloween costumes.

Lazy parents. I am sitting on my porch, passing out candy, chatting with my crew, just clowning around, you know how it is right? So, I'm watching up and down the street, just looking at the kids, hearing their banter, and liking it when I hear "Oh lets go to that house". I notice a red truck going very slowly down the road. Kinda odd. Now remember, my neighborhood doesn't have any sidewalks. The kids play in the street, walk in the street, ride bikes in the street, you get the idea, and everyone in the neighborhood slows down (we can always tell when an "outsider" rolls through because they are driving too fast). Anyway, this red truck is going about 5 mph and as I look, I see a bunch of kids hop out of the bed of the truck, run up to the neighbors house, snag their booty and jump back in the truck. Then I hear "OK GO" and the parent starts off down the road. I was so pissed at that scene that I almost yelled "Keep on going" when they stopped in front of my house. Was it because there is no work and all reward? I think so. Fuck lazy parents.

Honorable mention for this week:

Generic garbage bags. You suck. Fuck you.

One-ply toilet paper. I'm not in prison. Fuck you.

Ramen noodles. You taste like shit and have enough sodium to choke a horse but you're cheap so I have to buy you because lets face it, you cant beat lunch for a dime. Fuck ramen noodles.

Cable TV. You are so expensive and now I have no choice after Feb. Fuck cable TV.

Vote Vickie in 2012

Today is going to suck. Truly and deeply. I forgot to turn my alarm clock off, being Saturday and all, so I get woke the eff up at 6 15 am. On. A. Saturday.

Ok, you say, that's not so bad. Exactly 22 minutes after said alarm goes off, I experienced an intense cramp. In my leg. Fuckity fuck a charlie horse. I haven't had a charlie horse in prolly 15 years. So my half awake, kinda stumblin like I'm drunk ass is pacing the bedroom trying to work out the kink in my lower limb. And it works. For all of 35 seconds. The instant I laid my head on the pillow, it hits again. AGAIN. I fling the covers off and again start pacing around the bedroom.

Again you say, that's still not so bad. Whatever. Loki has been watching me the whole time, as a matter of fact, when the alarm went off at 6 15 he came into the bedroom, curled up at the bottom of the bed, and waited for me to get up and into the shower. This way he can gank the warm spot I leave behind before the other dog gets it. ANYWHO, Loki is watching me walk back and forth around the bed, into the bathroom, and back around the bed trying to ease my screaming muscle ok? Well little dog must think I'm actually getting up because he goes and gets his "little buddy" and drops it on the bed. He wants to play fetch. At 6 51 am. On a Saturday.

My day is going to suck.

I decided to get up. Like always, I put on CNN Headline news while I go about my morning. Getting dressed, brushing my hair and teeth, things of that nature, and I listen to whats going on in the world. CNN doesn't have the biased, twisted standpoints like Fox News, and CNN doesn't have nearly as much silly stories as your local morning TV news shows have.

I know, get the point already.

CNN was talking about the presidential candidates (go fig), and how there are still like 35% of the population that says they are undecided. I'm one of them. Well kinda sorta but not really. I want to vote for myself (or someone like me). Really.

John McCain will not get my vote. Even if my choice was between him and a goat. And I hate goats. I do not agree with his choice for a VP, I do not like his stance on anything, and yes I truly believe that if he was elected, it would be no diff'rent than having W for another term. I think Palin is not right for the job but not because she is inexperienced. I think because she was thrust into this position by a party that is flailing. Miserably.

Barak Obama is more to my liking, but not really. In his speeches, I feel like he is a car salesman, and he should have one of those inflatable arm-flailing tube men behind him while he is screaming "Push it in, tow it in or drag it in. Ill give you 4000.00 for your trade no matter what!! Get down here before 6 and Ill get you in a new car TODAY". Sure he is charming, elegant, well spoken and well mannered, but..maybe just a little TOO much so.

Vickie would be perfect.

I am like everyone else. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, and I sure as shit don't claim my moral character is better than anyone elses.

I have tried marijuana. I have slept with my landlord to pay the rent (and the computer repair guy too) and I'm not embarrassed to say so. I have lied. I have stolen. I had premarital sex, kinky in the alley kinda sex at that, I have used sex as a tool to manipulate. I have drank until I puked, driven under suspension, put the gas bill in the electric bill envelope and vice versa to get a few more days to pay before they cut me off. I have started fights for no reason other than I was pissed off about something I couldn't control and wanted to lash out. I have verbally abused cashiers and customer service reps. I have walked out of the grocery store, forgot to pay for the soda on the bottom of my cart, and NOT gone back in to pay for it. I am not ashamed. I have been divorced, filed bankruptcy and been in foreclosure. My credit rating is in the low 600's, I haven't paid a credit card bill in months, I don't own a car and I currently cohabitate with someone who is not my husband.

The person running against me would have a whole shitload of ammo for a negative campaign. And I guess that I would deserve it. The media would have a field day with all the skeletons they would pull outta my closets and ya know what? That's ok too. Most of that stuff I did years ago and have learned from my mistakes. Seriously, isnt that what life is about anyway?

That being said, why vote for me eh?

I would pull the military out of the middle east. Right now. And take the oil with me. Lets say we are... pirates. Pirate A "invades" your ship. He takes what he wants and leaves. A pirate doesn't invade any ship unless 1) he knows he can win and 2) he gets something for his trouble ie; OIL. America is a pirate. We have proved our point, now take what we want and LEAVE. They don't want us there. Why fight for a country that hates us? Pirates don't care about bragging rights. "Oh we beat Iraq everyone. Go Team." The American people don't care about bragging rights. We want oil so this wont happen again. Remember the 70's?

Abortion is a choice. Plain and simple. If you don't want to have one, great. But don't tell me I cant. Fuck you. I deal with the consequences. Not you. And it should be covered by insurance.

And speaking of health care. It should be for everyone. Period. And that's all I got to say about that.

If an elected official does not show up for senate debates, or committee meetings or whatever else said elected official is supposed to do, he/she should be fired. They can have 80 hours vacation, 40 sick and 40 personal like most normal jobs. There is a campaign ad going around my community that said a certain elected official has not been to a committee meeting in 2 years. 2 fuckin years. And the one meeting he went to, it was to give himself a raise. A nine THOUSAND dollar raise. What would happen if you didn't go to work for 2 years? Hmmm?

I would not spend 60 million dollars to campaign for a job that only pays 400,000 a year. I would take said 60 million and set up a fund for those people who are in foreclosure right now. Bail out the families that are losing their homes.

Welfare is a helping hand, not a lifestyle. My county DHS not only helps with food and cash, but new appliances, gasoline cards, pay for college and/or job training, fix your furnace, weatherize your home, pay your rent, and will not charge you for day care. There are some communities that will give you a new house. A NEW HOUSE. With little or no interest. All because someone didn't know how to use a condom. No wonder welfare is a hard cycle to break. I say give MORE to the parents who are working, help those that are helping themselves.


The president is a leader, not God. I dont expect my president to know everything about everything. Thats what cabinet members are for. Get the right people in place to fix the problems. Is that so hard?

If I was president, that is exactly what I would do.

Friday "Fucket" List

Ya know, I like to bitch. In all reality, who doesn't?

A. Lot. Especially anonymously. Online.

And when I read some of my favorite-ist blogs *waves to LOTD and Princess Pi* I realize that Im not the only one. At some point, even some of the political blogs I enjoy throw in a personal jibjab at someone and/or something that has been long ignored, some injustice that has not been rectified. Religion and its zealots, parents and their evil spawn, teenagers, fast food, tv ads and even our bosses are fair game. I have read blogs about the stupidity of the general population, the latest and most awesome trends, video games, books, card collecting, coupon cutting, crafting, cooking, cake decorating and yes, even knitting. KNITTING for christmas-sake. I have never knitted a effin' thing in my entire life, but I still read it. Everyday even, and only for the simple fact that the author is well-written, knowledgeable and absolutely hilarious.

Seeing that this blog says "All Things Bitchin'" I figured I better start.

Bitchin' that is.

Hummers. Hummers piss me off. And not the "on your knees" hummer either. Im talking about the big, boxy, 2 parking space takin, I cant see over the windshield, gas guzzlin kind. Really GI Joe? Do you need what is essentially a military assault vehicle to do your grocery shopping? Add a turret and a camo paint job and you got SIR YES SIR all the way. Dude, you live in the CITY. There is no jungle to traverse thru to make it to yonder destination 2 clicks north. I promise while it may not make up for the fact your penis is 3 inches long and about as thick as a chopstick, a Focus will be fine, just fine. Fuck hummers.




Disney. Disney used to be the shizzy yo. Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Lion King. Excellent. I am 37 years old, and I still put on my Aladdin DVD while I clean the house just so I can sing along. I bought not one but TWO copies of the Lion King soundtrack as well as Beauty and the Beast along with all its sequels in a box set. For myself. But what has since happened? Everything is High School Musical or Hannah Montana. Eww. Do you mean to tell me that with all the money that flows through that company, as well as the clearly superior talent that works there, they cannot come up with anything better than Hannah Monfuckintana? I hope that the era for well-made cartoon movies has not passed. I hate to think the "golden age" of cartoon movies has made way for the clearly less superior The Simpson's Movie and the albeit funny as shit South Park movie, but c'mon South Park is no Disney. Fuck Disney.

Saturday cartoons. What the fuck happened with that shit? Saturday morning used to be about Looney Tunes and Scooby Doo, SpiderMan and X Men. I even liked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for christ sakes. Now we got the New Batman? WTF?? No Bugs, no Daffy, no Sylvester and no Yosemite Sam. What is this world coming to? I watched the networks replace Bugs with Yu Gi Oh. YU GI OH. Get the fuck outta here. What is this shit? I tolerated Saved by the Bell because even tho he was jail bait, Mario Lopez was delicious to look at and it was funny. Like Three's Company funny. I remember grabbing a box of cereal, the gallon of milk, my bowl and spoon, eat like 1/2 a box and totally veg from 8 am til noon when the news came on. That was awesome. Now we get nothing. The powers that be have slowly gotten rid of Saturday cartoons all together. Check it out sometime. Our kids are getting jipped and its a shame. A damn shame. No more Wile E Coyote. Fuck Saturday cartoons.

Honorable mention for today's Fucket List:

Taxes. Fuck em.
Used cars. Fuck em.
NSF fees. Fuck em.
Spongebob Squarepants. Fuck him in his neck.
Movie channels. Fuck em.
Smokers who cant afford their habit. Fuck em. All day long.